English Bards, and Scotch Reviewers: A Satire

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MfMK'iM-**'

BODLEIAN LIBRARY

The gift of
Miss Emma F. I. Dunston

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'>,»*

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AV

M '*OTr,»HAM », ( t» I*0 . IIT »./\N»'

15 i/Ul.s^trv^. "b if 2^

ENGLISH BARDS,

AND

gmt^ ISMttx^ttfif

ENGLISH BARDS,

AND

SCOTCH REVIEWERS;

91 i^attte*

BT

LORD BYRON.

I had rather be a kitten, and cry, mew I
Than one of these same metre ballad-mongers.

Such shameless Bards we have $ and yet 'tis true.
There are as mad, abandon'd Critics too^.

Pora*

SECOND EDITION,

wrrH
CONSIDERABLE ADDiTIOIfS AND ALTERATIONS,

LONDON:

Printed for JAMEB CAWTHORN, BRmsH Library^ Nq. 84«

CocKsFuR Street.

Ii09.

f T ^

i i

ae

Printed I9 Dsami ft Co. Hut-rtnet, Cotat Gaiden.

PREFACE

TO THB

SECOND EDITION.

All my friends y learned and unlearned ^ have urged
me not to publish this Satire with my name. If I were t0
be .^^ turned from the career of my humour by quibbles
quick J and paper bullets of the brainy** I should have com*
plied with their counsel. But I am not to be terrified by
abusey or bullied by reviewersy with or without arms, /con
sqfely say that I have attacked none personally who did noi
commence on the offensive. An Author*s works are public
property: he who purchases may judgey and publish his
opinion if he pleases ; and the Authors I have endeavoured
to commemorate may do by me as I have done by them:
I dare say they will succeed better in condemning my
scribblingSy than in mending their own. But my object is
not to prove that I can write welly buty if possible^ to
make others write better.

As the Poem has met with far more success than I esc*
pectedy I have endeavoured in this Edition to make some

Ti PREFACE.

additions and alterations to render it more worthy of
public perusal.

In the First Edition of this Satire^ published anonym
mouslyy fourteen lines on the subject of Bowleses Pope
were written and inserted at the request of an ingenious
friend of mine^ who has now in the press a volume of
Poetry. In the present Edition they are erased^ and some
of my own substituted in their stead; my only reason for
this being that which I conceive would operate with any
othfir person in the same manner : a determination not
to publish with my name any production which was not
entirely and exclusively my own composition.

With regard to the real talents of many ef the poetical
persons whose performances are mentioned^ or alluded io^
in the following pages ^ it is presumed by the Author that
there can be. little difference of opinion in the Public at
large ; though^ like other sectaries^ each has his separate
tabernacle of proselytes^ by whom his abilities are overrated^
his faults overlooked^ and his metrical canons received withm
out scruple and without consideration. But the ungues^
tionable possession of considerable genius by several of the
writers here censured^ renders their mental prostitution
more to be^ regretted. Imbecility may be pitied j or^ at
worst^ laughed at attd forgotten ; perverted powers demand
the most decided reprehension. No one can wish more than
the Author^ that some known and able writer had under^
taken their exposure^ but Mr. Gif ford has devoted him^

PREFACE. Til

self to MasiingeTy and in the ahtence of the regular physU
eian^ a country practitioner may^ in casei of absolute nCm
cessity^ he allowed to prescribe his nostrum to prevent the
extension of so deplorable an epidemic^ provided there be no
quackery in his treatment of the malady, A caustic is here
offered^ as it is to be feared nothing short of actual cautery
can recover the numerous patients afflicted with the present
prevalent and distressing rabies for rhyming.^^As to the
Edinbargh Reyiewers ; it wouldy indeed^ require a Hercum
les to crush the Hydra ; but if the Author succeeds in merely
^^ bruising one of the heads of the serpent j^* though his own
hand should suffer in the encounter ^ he will be amply satism
Jied.

■• *»,

ENGLISH BARDS,

AND

SCOTCH REVIEWERS

S!I)till must I hear? — shall hoarse * Fitzgerald

bawl
His creaking couplets in a tavern hall.
And I not sing, lest, haply, Scotch Reviews
^ Should dub me scribbler, and denounce my Muie ?

♦ IMITATION,

*< Semper ego auditor tantam } nnnqiiamne reponam

** Vexatns toties ranci Theieide Codri }

Juvenaly Satire 1.

Mr. Fm^ERALD, facetiously termed by Cobbett the *' Small Beer
Poet/' inflicts his annual tribute of vene on tlie ** Litcstey Fund$''
not content witli writing, lie spouts in person after the company have
imbibed a reasonable quantity of bad port, to enable them to sustain

the operation.

B

2 ENGLISH BABDS,

A. ' J

Prepare for rhyme — 111 publisli^ right or wrong :
Fools are my theme, let Satire be my 30iig«

Oh ! Nature's noblest gift— my grey gooserquilli
Slave of my thoughts, obedient to my will.
Torn from thy parent bird to form a pen,
That mighty instrument of little men ! 10

The pen ! foredoomed to aid the mental thf pes
Of brains that labour, big with Verse or Prpsej
Though Nymphs forsake, and Critic^ may deride
The Lover's solace, and the Author's pride.
What Wits ! what Poets dost thou daily raise I
How frequent is thy use, how small thy praise 1
Condemned at length to^be forgotten quite^
With all the pages which 'twas thine to write.
But thou, at least, mine own especial pen !
Once laid aside but now assumed again, SO

'l

AND 0COTCa mitViSWBRS,

Our task complete, like Hamet's* shall be free ;
Tho' spurned by others, yet beloved by me t
Then let us soar to-day, no common theme,
No Eastern vision, no distempered dream
Inspires — our path, though full of thorns, is plain;
Smooth be the verse, and easy be the strain*

When Vice triumphant holds her sovereign tiray^ .
And men through life her willing slaves obey>
When fo)Iy, frequent harbinger of crime^
Unfolds her motley store to stiit the time ; 80

When Knaves and Fo<^ combined o*tT all prevaUy
When Justice halts, and Right begins to fail.
E'en then the boldest start from public sneers,
Afraid of Shame, unknown to other fears,

* CiD Hambt BiafBirAKU pf onyises repoie to liis pen in the last chapter
4>f Dow Quixote. Oh ! that our volnminous gentry would follow the
example of Cjd Hamkt Benengeu.

bS

EKOLI8H BARDfil^

More darkly sin, by Satire kept in awe,

And shrink from Ridicule though not from Law.

Such is the force of Wit ! but not belong
To me the arrows of satiric song ;
The royal vices of our age demand
A keener weapon, and a mightier hand, 40

Still there are foUiesi, e*en for me to chace,
And yield at least amusement in the race ;
Laugh when I laugh, I seek no other fame,
The cry is up, and scribblers are my game :
Speed Pegasus! — ye strains of great and small,
Ode! Epic! Elegy! — hare at yon all !
I, too, can scrawl, and once upon a time
I poured along the town a flood of rhyme,
A school-boy freak, unworthy praise or blame ;
I printed — older children do the same. 50

*Tis pleasant, sure, to see one's name in print ;
A Book's a Book, altho' there's nothing in't.

ANO .ffCOTClI REVIEWERS.

Not that a Title's sounding charm can sare
Or scrawl or scribbler from an equal grave :
This Lamb must own, since his Patrician name
Failed to preserve the spurious Farce from shame **
No matter, George continues still to write f,
Tho' now the name is veiled from public sight.
Moved by the great example I pursue
The self-same road, but make my own review : 60
ISoi seek great Jeffrey's, yet like him will be
Self-constituted Judge of Poesy*

A man must serve his time to every trad^
Save Censure, Critics all are* ready made.
Take hackneyed jokes from Miller, got by rote.
With just enough of learning to misquote ;

* Thii iogenuous yoath is . meDtioned more particalarly^ with ^a
production y in another place.

^ la the Edinburgb Revikw*

b3

SVOLISH BkUMy

A mind well skilled to £nd or forge a faulty

A turn for punning, call it Attic salt ;

To Jeffbey go, be silent and discreet,

His pay. is just ten sterling pounds per sheet : 70

Fear not to lie, 'twill seem a lucky bit,

Shrink not from blasphemy, 'twill pass for wit ;

Care not for feeling — pass your proper jest.

And sta^d a Critic hated yet cjircssed*

And shall we own such judgment I no— as sooa
Seek roses in December, ice in June ;
Hope constancy in wind, or. corn in chaff.
Believe a woman, or an epitaph.
Or any other thing that's false, before
You trust in Critics who themselves are sore; 30
Or yield one single thought to be misled
By Jeffrey's heart, or Lamb's Boeotian head*.

4

* Menrs. Jeffrey and Lamb are the Alpha and Omega, the firit and
last of the Edinbnrgh Review ; the others are mentioned hereafter.

AND SCOTCH BETISWERS.

To these young tyrants*, by tbemselves mispbiced,
Combined usurpers on the Throne of Tftste ;
To these when Authors bend in humble awe
And hail their voice as Truth, their word as Law ;'
While these are Cens^ors, 'twould be sin to spare ;
While such are Critics, why should I forbear ?
But yet so near all modern worthies run,
'Tis doubtful whom to seek, or whom to shun ; 90
Nor know we when to spare, or where to strike,
Our Bards and Censors are so much alike.

t Then should you ask me, why I venture o*er
The path, which Pope and Giffoud tr6d before ?

* " Stulta est Clementia, com tot abiqae

" occurnu periture parcere chartie.

Juvenaly Sat. 1.

t IMITATION.

'* Car tamen hoc libeat potiiu decurrere campo

^* Per quein magnns eqnos Aunuce flexit alumnus :

** Si Tacat^ et placidi rationem admittitis, edam.'*

Jmvenal, S, 1.
B 4

8 ENGLISH BARDS,

If not yet sickened, you can still proceed ;
Go on ; my rhyme will tell you as you read«

Time was, ere yet in these degenerate days
Ignoble themes obtained mistaken praise,
When Sense and Wit with Poesy allied,
No fabled Graces, flourished side by side, 100

From the same fount their inspiration drew.
And, reared by Taste, bloomed fairer as they grew.
Then, in this happy Isle, a Pope's pure strain
Sought the rapt soul to charm, nor sought in vain ;
A polished nation's praise aspired to claim.
And rais'd the people's, as the poet's fame.
Like him great Dryden poured the tide of song,
In stream less smooth, indeed, yet doubly strong.
Then Conorete's scenes could cheer, or Otway's

melt ;
For Nature then an English audience felt — 1 10

AND BCOTCH reviewers.

But why these names, or greater still, retrace,
When all to feebler Bards resign their place ?
Yet to such times our lingering looks are cast,
When taste and reason with those times are past.
Now look around, and turn each trifling page,
Survey the precious works that please the age ;
This truth at least let Satire's self allow.
No dearth of Bards can be complained of now :
The loaded Press beneath her labour groans,
And Printers' devils shake their weary bones, 130
While Southby's Epics cram the creaking shelves^
And Little's- Lyrics shine in hot-pressed twelves.

Thus saith the Preacher* ; ^^ nought beneath th«
sun
Is new,'* yet still from change to change we run.
What varied wonders tempt us as they pass )
The Cow-pox, Tractors, Galvanism, and Gas*

- « Ecclesiastes, Cap, ],

10 ENGLISH BAnMy

In turns appear to make the vulgar stare

Till the 8W0U1 bubble bursts — and all is air !

Nor less new schools of poetry arise,

Where dull pretenders grapple for the prize : 190

O^er Taste awhile these Pseudo-bards prevail ;

Each country Book-club bows the knee to Baal,

And, hurling lawful Genius from the throne,

Erects a shrine and idol of its own ;

Some leaden calf— but whom it matters not.

From soaring Southet down to groveling Stott*.

* Stott, bietter known in the *' Morning Post'* by the name of Hafiz.
This personage is at present the most profoond explorer of tlie Bathos.
r remember, when the reigning family left Portugal, a special ode of
Master Stott^s beginning thus :

(Stott loquitnr quoad Hibernia.)
*' Princely offspring of Braganza
** Erin greets thee with a Stanza," &c. &c.
Also a sonnet to Rats, well worthy of the subject, and a most thon-
dering ode, comvenciBg as foUows :

'* Oh ! for a Lay ! load as the surge
'* That lashes Lapland's sounding shore.*'
Lord have mercy on us ! the *' Lay of the last Minstrel" was nothing to
this.

• , . •»•■. . ■

ANP fCOTCH JIBTIBWEB8. 11

*

Behold ! in various throngs the scribbling crew,
For notice eager, pass in long review r
Each spurs his jaded Pegasus apace,
And Rhyme and Blank maintain an equal race ; 140
Sonnets on sonnets crowd, and ode pn ode \
And Tales of Terror jostle on the road ;

Immeasurable measures move along.

For simpering Folly loves a varied song,

To strange mysterious Dullness still the friend,

Admires the strain she cannot comprehend*

Thus Lays of Minstrels* — ^may they be the last!-—

On half-strung harps whine mournful to the blast,

* See the '* Lay of the Last Minstrel^" passim* Never waa any plan
fio incongruous and abstird as the grpund-work of this production. The
entrance of Thunder and Lightning prologuising to Bayes* Tragedy, un.
fortunately takes away the merit of originality from the dialogue be-
tween Messieurs the Spii^its of Flood and Fell in the first canto. Then
we have the amiable William of Deloraine, '* a stark mo8»-trooper,**
videlicet, a happy compound of poacher, sheep-stealer, and highway-
man. The propriety of his magical lady's ii\junction not to read can

IS ENGLISH BA11D8|

While mountain spirits prate to river sprites,
That dames may listen to the sound at nights ; 150
And goblin brats of Gilpin Horner's brood
Decoy young Border-nobles through the wood^

only be eqaalled by his candid acknowledgment of his independence
of the trammels of spelling, although, to use his own elegant phrasci,
'* 'twas his neck-verse at hairibee," i. e. the gallows.

The biography of Gilpin Horner, and the marvellous pedestrian page^
who travelled twice as fast as his master's horse, without the aid of seven
leagued boots, are chef d^onivres in the improvement of taste. For inci-
dent we have the invisible, but by no means sparing, box on the ear be-
stowed on the page, and the entrance of a Knight and Charger into the
castle, under the very natural disguise of a wain of hay. Marmion, the
hero of the latter romance, is exactly what William of Deloraine would
^ave been, had he been able to read and write. The Poem was mann«
factured for Messrs. Constable, Murray, and Miller, worshipful
Booksellers, in consideration of the receipt of a sum of money, and
truly, Considering the inspiration, it is a very creditable production.
If Mr. Scott will write for hire, let him do his best for his paymaaterB»
Out not disgrace his genius, which is undoubtedly great, by a repetition
«f black letter BaHad imitations.

AND SCOTCH BETIEWER8. 13

And skip at every step, Lord knows how high.
And frighten foolish babes* the Lord knows wb j,
While high-bom ladies, in their magic cell.
Forbidding Knights to read who cannot spell,
Dispatch a courier to a wizard's grave,
And fight with honest men to shield a knave.

Next view in state, proud prancing on his roan,
The golden-crested haugl^y Marmion, 160

Now forgiug scrolls, now foremost in the fight.
Not quite a Felon, yet but half a Knight,
The gibbet or the field prepared to grace ;
A mighty mixture of the great and base«
And think^st thou, Scott ! by vain conceit perchance.
On public taste to foist thy stale romance.
Though Murray with his Miller may combine
To yield thy muse just half-a- crown per line ?
No ! when the sons of song descend to trade,
Their bays are sear, their former laurels fade. 170

14 £irOLI8H BARDS)

Let such foregd the po6t*8 sacred name^
Who rack their brains for lucr^, not for fame'
Low may thej sink lb merited contempt,'
And scorn remunerate the mean attempt !
Such be their meed, such still the just reward
Of prostituted Muse and hireling bard !
For this we spurn Apollo*s venal son,
And bid a long, ^^ good night to Marmion^/*

These are the themes, that daim our plaudit's now ;
These are the Bards to whom the Muse must bdw : 18Q
While Milton, Drtdsit, Pope, alike finrgot.
Resign their hallowM Bays to Walter Scott.

The time has been, when yet the Muse was young,
When Hotf EB swept the lyre, and Maro snng^

* " Good night to Marraion*'— tbe pftthetic and also prophetfc excl»»
mation of Hbhky Bu»iy]iT,£tqnire, on the death of honest Marmion*

AND SCOTCH. REVIEWERS. 15

W^^M
("—"•■

An Epic scarce ten centuries could'Cbdm, .
While awe-struck nations hailed the magic name :*
The work of each immortal Bard appears
The single wonder of a thousand years*.
Empires have mouldered from the &ce of earth.
Tongues have expired with those who gave them
birth, 190

Without the glory such a strain can give,
As even in ruin bids the language live.
Not so with usy though minor Barda content.
On one great work a life of labour spent ;
With eagle pinion soaring to the skies,
Behold the Ballad-monger Southet: rise 1

* As the Odyssey is so closely connected with the story of the Iliad,
they may almost be classed as one grand historical poem. In alluding
to MtLTOH and Tasso, we consider the ** Paradise Lost/' imd " Glemsa-
lemme Liberata" as their standard efforts, since neither the '' Jerusa-
lem conquered *' of the Italian, nor the *' Paradise regained*' of the
English Bard, obtained a proportionate celebrity to their former
poems. Query; Which of Mr. Sovtbbt*8 wiU survire ?

Is £N6LISH BARD8,

To him lei Camoexs, Milton, Tasso, yield,

Whose annual strains, like annies, take the field.

First in the ranks sec Joan of Arc advance,

The scourge of England, and the boast of France ! SOO

Though burnt by wicked Bedford for a witch,

Behold her statue placed in Glorj^s niche ;

Her fetters burst, and just released from prison,

A virgin Phcenix from her ashes risen.

Next see tremendous Thalaba come on ^y

Arabians monstrous, wild, and wond'rous son ;

Domdaniers dread destroyer, who overthrew

More mad magicians than the world e'er knew..

Immortal Hero ! all thy foes overcome,

For ever reign-^the rival of Tom Thumb f 210

* Thalaba, Mr. Sovthet'b second poem, is written in open defiance .
of precedent and poetry. Mr. S. wished to produce something noTel^
and succeeded to a miracle. Joan of Arc was marvellous enough, but
Thalaba was one of those poems " wbich, in the words of PoRsoir^
will be read when Homer and Virgil are forgotten, but-^o^ ^7/ then J*

AND SCOTCH BETIEWERI. 17

since startled m^tre fled before thy fiKse,

Well wertthou doomed the last of all thy race !

Well might triomphUnt Genii bear Aee hence^

Illustrious conqueror of common sense !

Now, last and greatest, Madoc spreads his sails.

Cacique in Mexico, and Prince in Wales ;

Tells us strange tales, as other travellers do.

More old than Mandevilles, and not so true.

Oh ! SovTHET, SouTHET* ! ceasc thy varied song !

A Bard may chaunt too often and too long : 880

As thou art strong in verse, in mercy spare !

A fourth, alas ! were more than we could bear*

* We beg Mr. Souibet*! pardon : ** Madoc diidaint die degraded
title of Epic." See bii preface. Why is Epic degraded? and by
whom ? Certainly the late RoDUuists of Masters Cotbub^ Lanreat Pre,
OoiLTT, HouEy and gentle Mistress Cowunr, have not exalted the.
Epic Muse, bat as Mr. Soctbet*s poem, "disdains the appellation,"
allow us to ask— has he sabstitated any thing better in its stead ? or
most he be content to rival Sir RiCHAao Blacbmore, in the quantity
as well as quality of his verse }

18 BK6LMH BARDS,

■ I' " ■ I ■ I I M II I I S

But if, in spite of all the world can ^ay, '
Thou still wilt verseward plod thy weary way ;
If still in Berkley Ballads most uncivil,
Thou wilt devote old women to the devil*,
The babe unborn thy dread intent may rue :
" God help thee," Southey, and thy readers
toot.

Next comes the dull disciple of thy school.
That mild apostate from poetic rule, 230

The simple Wordsworth, framer of a lay
As soft as evening in his favourite May,

•Sec, The Old Woman of Berkley, a Ballad by Mr. Soutoet,
wherein an aged gendewoman is carried away by Beelzebub, on a
** high trotting horse."

f The last line, " God help thee," is an evident plagiarism from the
Anti-jacobin to Mr. Southet, on his Dactylics :

^* God help thee silly one."— Poetry of the Anti-jacobio, page 23.

AND SCOTCH BBYIEWEBS. 1$

Who warns his friend ^< to shake off toil and trou*

ble,
And quit his books for fear of growing double* ;*'
Who, both by precept and example, shows
That prose is verse, and Terse is merely prose,
Convincing all by demonstration plain.
Poetic souk delight in prose insane ;
And Christmas stories tortured into rhyme,
Contain the essence of the true sublime : 24/0

Thus when he tells the tale of Betty Foy,
The idiot mother of ^^ an idiot Boy ;"

• Lyrical Ballads, page 4. *^ The tables tamed." Stanza I .

** Up, up my friend, and clear your looks,

<' Why all this toil and trouble ?
'* Up» up my friend, and quit your books,

** Or surely you'll grow double."

c2

20 EKGLISH BAAMy

A moon-stnick silly lad who lost his way,
And, like his baid, confounded night with day*.
So close on each pathetic part he dwells,
And each adventure so sublimely tells.
That all who view the <^ idiot in his glory,**
Conceiye the Bard the hero of the story.

Shall gentle Coleridge pass unnoticed here,
,To turgid ode, and tumid stanza dear ? 950

Though themes of innocence amuse him best.
Yet still obscurity's a weIcomckg«est«

• Mr, W. in liit preface labours hard to prove that proie andvene
are much the same^ and certainly hii precepts and practice are strictly
conformable.

'* And thiv to Betty's question lie
" Made answer, like a trafeUer bold,
'* The cock did crow to-whoo, to-whoo.
** AM the son did shine so cold, dee. &c."

Lyrical Ballads, pafe 199.

AND SCOTCH JtEYIBlfE&S. 121

If inspiratioQ should her aid ref ase^
To him who takes a Pixy for a Muse *|
Yet none in loftj nombers caa surpass
The bard who soars to elegize an ass.
How well the subject suits his noble mind !
^^ A fellow feeling makes us wond'rous kind/'

Oh ! wonder-workiiig Lewis ! Monk^ or Bard,
Who fain wouldst make Parnassus a church-yard ! 8SQ
Lo ! wreaths of yew, not laurel, bind thy brow.
Thy Muse a Sprite, Apollo's sexton thou !
Whether on ancient tombs thou tak'st thy stand,
By gibb'ring spectres hailed, thy kindred band ;
Or tracest chaste descriptions on thy page,
To please the females of our modest age,

• CoLEMOfiB's Pmoii, page 11. Soogs of the Pixies, i« e* Deron-
fihire Fairies, page 42, we have, ** Lioet to a Yoiing Lady/* apd page
52, '< Lines to a Youi^ Asi.'*

c3

S2 ENGLISH BARDffy

All hail, M. p.! * from ^hose infernal brain
Thin sheeted phantoms glide, a ^isly train;
At whose command, '^ grim women" throng in cronds.
And kings of fire, of water, and of clouds, S70

With * ^ small grey men,*' — ** wild yagers," and what-
not,
To crown with honour, thee, and Walteb Scott :

Again all hail ! If tales like thine may please,
St. Luke alone can vanquish the disease ;
Even Satan's self with thee might dread to dwell.
And in thy skull discern a deeper helL ^

Who in soft guis^^ surrounded by a choir
Of yirgins melting, not to Vesta's &e.

♦ ** For every one knows little Matt's an M. P." Sec a Poem

to Mr. Lewis, in The Statesman, supposed to 5e written by Mr*

AND SCOTCH SEVIEVERS. 23

With sparkling eyes, and cheek by passion flnsh'd,
Strikes his ^ild Lyre, whilst listening dames are
hnshM? 280

'Tis Little ! yonng Catnllus of his day,
As sweet, but as immoral in his lay!
GrievM to condemn, the Muse must still be just,
Nor spare melodious advocates of lust.
Pure is the flame which o'er her altar burns ;
From grosser incense with disgust she turns :
Yet, kind to youth, this expiation o*er.
She bids thee, *^ mend thy line and sin no more."

For thee, translator of the tinsel song.
To whom such glittering ornaments belong, 290

Hibernian Strangford! with thine eyes of blue*.
And boasted locks of red, or auburn hue,

* The reader who may wish for an explanation of this, may refer t»
'* Strangford's Camoers," page 127, note to page 56, or to the last
page of the Edinburgh Review of SrRAirGPORD'i Camoens.

c 4

24 BKGtlSH BARDS,

Whose plaintive strain each lore-sick Miss admires.
And o'er harmonious fustian half expires.
Learn, if thou can*st, to yield thine author's sense.
Nor vend thy sonnets on a fiailse pretence.
Think'st thou to gain thy verse a higher place
By dressing Camoens in a suit of lace ?
Mend, Strangford! mend thy morals and thy taste ;
Be warm, but pure, be amorous, but be chaste : 300
Cease to deceive ; thy pilfer'd harp restore.
Nor teach the Lusian Bard to copy Moorb.

In many marble-cover'd volumes view
Hatlet, in vain attempting something new :
Whether he spin his comedies in rhyme.
Or scrawl, as Woob and Ba rclaV walk, 'gainst time,

It is also to be remarked, that the things ^iy^n to the poblic, as
Poems of Camoensy are no more to be foniHl in the original Portuguese,
than in the Song of Solomon*

AND SCOTCH REYIEWERI. S5

His stile in youth or age is still the same ;

For ever feeble and for ever tame.

Triumphant first see ^^ Temper's Triumphs'* shine !'*

At least Pm sure they triumph'd oyer mine. 310

Of ^^ Music's Triumphs'' all who read may swear

That luckless Music never triumph'd there*.

Morayians rise ! bestow some meet reward
On dull Deyotion — ^lo ! the Sabbath Bard,
Sepulchral Gbahamc, pours his notes sublime^
In mangled prose, nor e'en aspires to rhyme.
Breaks into blank the Gospel of St. Luke,
And boldly pilfers from the Pentateuch ;

* Hatley* '.•^.) moft notorious verse prodnctionSy are ^'Triamphs of
' Temper," and ** Triumphs of Music." He has also written much
Comedy in rhyme,. Epistles, &c. &c. As he is rather an elegant
writer of notes and hiography, let us recommend Pofb^s Advice to
Wtcberlet, to Mr. H's consideration ; viz. '* to convert hb poetry
into prose," which may be easily done t)y taking away the final sylla*
ble of each couplet.

26 ENGLISH BARDS,

And, undisturbed by conscientious qualms,
Perverts the Prophets, and purloins the Psalms*. 320

Hail Sympathy ! thy soft idea brings
A thousand visions of a thousand things,
And shows, dissolved in thine own melting tears.
The maudlin Prince of mournfql sonneteers.
And art thou not their Prince, harmonious Bowles !

Thou first, great oracle of tender souls ?

/
Whether in sighing winds thou seek'st relief,

Or consolation in a yellow leaf;

Whether thy muse most lamentably tells

«
What merry sounds proceed from Oxford bellst, 330

Or, still in bells delighting, finds a friend.

In every chime that jingled from Ostend P

* Mr. GrJlhame has poured forth two volumes of Cant^ under the
name of " Sabbath Walks," and <' Biblical Pictures."

+ See Bowles's Sonnets, &c. — ** Sonnet to Oxford," and " Stan-
zas on bearing the Bells of Ostend/'

AND SCOTCH REYIEHTERS. S7

Ah ! how much juster were thy Muse's hap,
If to thy bells thou would't but add a cap !
Delightful Bowles ! still blessing, and still blest,
All love thy strain, but children like it best.

'Tis thine with gentle Little's moral song.

To soothe the mania of the amorous throng!

With thee our nursery damsels shed their tears.

Ere Miss, as yet, completes her infant years : 340

But in her teens thy whining powers are vain ;

She quits poor Bowles, for Little's purer strain.

»
Now to soft themes thou scornest to confine

The lofty numbers of a harp like thine :

^^ Awake a louder and a loftier strain*,"

Such as none heard before, or will again ;

* *' Awake a louder, &c. &c. is the first line in Bowles's Spirit of
Discovery f a very spirited aad pretty dwarf Epic. Among other
exquisite lines we have the following : —

" A kiss

*' Stole on the listening silence, never yet

** Here heard ; they trembled even as if the power," &c. &c.

28 ENGU8H BARDS,

Where all discoveries jumbled from the flood, -

Since first the leaky ark repos'd in mud,

By more or less, are sung in every book,

From Captain Noah down to Captain Cook. 350

Nor this alone, but pausing on the road.

The Bard sighs forth a gentle episode* ;

And gravely tells — ^attend each beauteous Miss!—

When first Madeira trembled to a kiss.

Bowles! in thy memory, let this precept dwell.

Stick to thy Sonnets, man 1 at least they selL

But if some new-born whim, "or larger bribe

Prompt thy crude brain, and claim thee for a scribe,

That is, the woods of Madeira trembled to a kiss, yery much asto*
nished, as well they might be, at such a phcenomenon.

• The Episode above alluded to, u the story of ^* Robert a Ma^
chin,*' aod ** Anna d*Arfet,'* a pair of constant lovers, who per-
formed the ktSB abOTe-4Bentioned, that startled the woods of Sfadeira.

AND SCOTCH RBTIEWERS. 99

If 'chance some bard, though once by dunces fear'd.
Now, prone in dust, can only be reverM ; 360

If Pope, whose fame and genius from the first
Haye foil'd the best of critics, needs the worst.
Do thou essay ; each fault, each failing scan ;
The first of poets was, alas ! but man !
Rake from each ancient dunghill ev'ry pearl,
Consult Lord Fanny, and confide in Curll* ;
Let all the scandals of a former age,
Perch on thy pen and flutter o'er thy page ;
Affect a candour which thou can'st not fecl^

Clothe envy in the garb of honest zeal ; 370

Write, as if St. John's soul could still inspire,
And do from hate what tMALLET did for hire.

* CvKLL is one of the Heroes of the Dimciad, and was a bookseller.
Lord Fanny b the poetical name of Lord Hsbtbt, author of '* Lines
to the Imitator of Horace."

f Lord BotJQfQvaoKB hired Maijlxt to tradace Pope after his de-
' cease, becaase the Poel had retained some copies of a work by Lord

30 £NGLISH BARDfl,

Oh ! had'st thou liv'd in that congenial time,

To rave with Dennis, and with Ralph to rhyme *,

Thronged with the rest around his living head,

Not rais'd thy hoof against the lion dead,

A meet reward had crown'd thy glorious gains.

And linked thee to the Dunciad for thy painsf .

Another Epic ! who inflicts again
More books of blank upon the sons of men i 380

BoLiNGBROKE, (the Patriot King) which that splendid, but malignant
genius, had ordered to be destroyed.

* Dennis, the critic, and Ralph, the rhymester.

'' Silence, ye wolves ! while Ralph to Cynthia howls,
'^ Making night hideous, answer him ye owls !

Dunciad.

f Sec Bowles's late edition of Pope's works, for which he'received
SOO pounds: thus Mr. B. has experienced, how much easier it is to
profit by the reputation of another, than to elevate his own.

AND SCOTCH flfiVIEWBRS* 31.

Boeotian CoTxiiB, rich Bristoira's boast|
Imports old stories from the Gambriaa coast^
And sends his goods to market-^all aliVe !
Lines forty-thbusand, Cantos twenty-five !
Fresh fish from Helicon ! who'll buy i whoUl buy ?
The precious bargain's cheap— in fiiith, not I.
Too much in turtle Bristol's sons delight,
Too much o'er bowls of Rack prolong the night ;
If Commerce fills the purse she clogs the brain,
And Amos Cottle strikes the Lyre in vain. S90
In him an author's luckless lot behold !
Condemned to make the books which once he sold.
Oh ! Amos Cottle ! — ^Phoebus! what a name
To fill the speaking trump of future fame ! —
Oh ! Amos Cottle ! for a moment think
What meagre profits spring from pen and ink !
When thus devoted to poetic dreams,
Who will peruse thy prostituted reams ?

SS CKGU8R BAftM^

<

Oh ! pen perverted ! paper misapplied !

Had *CoTTLE still adorned the counter's side, 400

Bent o'er the desk, or, bom to useful toils,

Been taught to make the paper which he soils,

Ploughed, delved, or 'plied the oar with lusty limb.

He had not sung of Wales, nor I of bim.

As Sisyphus against the infernal steep
Rolls the huge rock, whose motions ne'er may sleep.
So up thy hill, ambrosial Richmond ! heaves
Dull MAURicEt all his granite weight of leaves :

* ]tfr. Cottle, Amos, or Joseph, I don't know which, but one or
both, once sellers of books, they did not write, and now writers of
books that do not sell, have published a pair of Epics. ** Alfred*'
(poor Alfred ! Ptb has been at him too !) *' Alfred" and the
'* faU of Cambria."

+ Mr. Maveicb hath manufactured the component parts of a pon-
derous quarto, upon the beauties of *' Richmond Hill," and the like:—
it also takes in a charming view of Tumham Green, Hammersmith^
Brentford, Old and New, and the parts adjacent.

AND 8€0tCH BfeVIfiWERS. 38

tasae

Smooth, solid monuments of m^ntitl jmiii t
The petrifections of a plodding brain, 410

That ere they reach the top fHti ^umbeting back
again. '^^'*'

With broken lyre and cheek seij|$l!^ly pale,
Lo ! sad ALCiB0s wanders down the rlile !
Though fair they rose, and might hare bloomed at

last,
His hopes have perished by the northern blast :
Nipped in the bud by Caledonian gales,
His blossoms wither as the blast prevails!
O'er his lost works let classic Sheffield weep :
May no rude hand disturb their early sleep* !

* Poor MoNTGoHERT ! thoogh praised by every English Review, ba#
been bitterly reviled by the Edinburgh. After all, the Bard of Shef-
field is a man of considerable genius i his '' Wanderer of Switzerland"
18 worth a thousand ^* Lyrical Ballads,'' and at least fifty ** Degraded
Epics."

D

34 £NGIiIS|H BARDfly

Yet, say ! why should the Bard, at once^ resign 4S0
Hb claim to fevottr fnHn the sacred Nine ?
For ever startle]^ l^ the mingled howl
Of Northern wolves that still in darkness prowl ;
A coward brood which mangle as they prey,
By hellish instip((^' all that cross their way :
Aged or youngy the living or the jdead.
No mercy find, — these harpies must be fed.
Why do the injured unresisting yield
The calm possession ot their native field ?
Why tamely thus bef<Nre their fangs retreat, 490
Nor hunt the bloodhounds back to Arthua's seat* ?

Health to immortal Jeffrey \ once, in name,
England could boast a judge almost the same :
In soul so like, so merciful, yet just.
Some think that Satan has resigned his trust,

* Arthub's teats the hill which OTerha^ Edinburgly.

AND SCOTCH EEVIBWERS. 35

And given the Spirit to the world again,
To sentence Letters, as he sentenced men.
With hand less mighty, but with heart as black,
With Toice as willing to decree the rack ;
Bred in the Courts betimes, though all that law 440
As yet hath taught him is to find a flaw.
Since well instructed in the patriot school
To rail at party, though a party tool.
Who knows ? if chance his patrons should restore
Back to the sway they iforfeited before.
His scribbling toils some recompence may meet,
And raise this Daniel to the Judgment Seat.
Let Jeffries' shade indulge the pious hope, .
And greeting thus, present him with a rope ;
^' Heir to my virtues! man of equal mind ! 450

^^ Skilled to condemn as to traduce mankind,
♦^ This cord receive ! for thee reserv'd with care,
*^ To wield in judgment, and at length to wear,"

d2

36 ZVGhl$n PABPS,

Health to great Jeffrey I Heaven preserve his
life,
To flourish on the fertile shores of Fife,
And guard it sacred in his future wars,
Since authors sometimes seek the field of Mars !
Can none remember that eventful day.
That ever glorious, almost fatal fray.
When Little's leadless pistol met his eye, 460
And Bow-street Myrmidons stood laughing by* ?
Oh ! day disastrous ! on her Qnn set rock,
Dunedin's castle felt a secret shock ;
Dark roU'd the sympathetic waves of Forth,
Low groan'd the startled whirlwinds of the North ;

• In 1806, HeaBTs. jBFimsT and Moore, met at Chalk-Fann The
dnel was prevented by the interference of the Magistracy ; and, on
examination, the balla of the pistols, like the courage of the combat*
ants, were found to have evaporated. This incident gave occasion to
much waggery in the daUy prints.

AND SCOTCH BEVIE ITERS. 37

Tweed raffled hklf his waves to fonu a tear,

The other half j^ursued its calm career* ;

Arthur^s steep summit nbdded to its base,

The surly Tolbooth scarcely kept her place ;

The Tolbooth felt— for marble sometimes can^ 470

On such occasions, feel as much as man—

The Tolbooth felt defrauded of his charms,

If Jeffrey died, except within her armst :

Nay, last not least, on that portentous morn

The sixteenth story where himself was born,

* The Tweed here behaved with proper decorum, It would have
beeo highly reprehensible In the English half of the River to have
shown the smallest symptom of apprehension.

f This display of sympathy on the part of the Tolbooth, (the prin-
cipal prison in Edinburgh) which truly seems to have been most af-
fected on this occasion, is much to be commended. It was to be ap-
prehended, that the many unhappy criminals executed in the front,
might have rendered the Edifice more callous. She is said to be of the
softer sex, because her delicacy of feeling on this day was truly fcmi-
nine, though, like most feminine impulses, perhaps a little selfish.

d3

58 ENGLISH BA&DS,

His patrimonial garret fell to ground,

And pale Edina shuddered at the sound :

StrcTi^ed were the streets around with milk-white reams.

Flowed all the Canongate with inky streams ;

This of his candour seemed the sable dew, 480

That of his valour shewed the bloodless hue,

And all with justice deemed the two combined

The mingled emblems of his mighty mind.

But Caledonia's Goddess hovered o'er

The field, and saved him from the wrath of Moorb ;

Prom either pistol snatched the vengeful lead.

And strait restored it to her favourite's head.

That head, with greater than magnetic power.

Caught it, as Danae caught the golden shower,

And, though the thickening dross will scarce refine.

Augments its ore, and is itself a mine.

" My son," she cried, " ne'er thirst for gore again,

^^ Resign the pistol, and resume the pen ;

AND SCOTCH BEVISWER8. 39

^^ O'er politics and poesy preside,
^^ Boost of thy country, and Britannia's guide !
^^ For long as Albion's heedless sons submit^
^^ Or Scottish taste decides on English wit,
^^ So long shall last thine unmolested reign,
^^ Nor any dare to take thy name in vain.
'^ Behold a chosen band shall aid thy plan, 500

^' And own thee chieftain of the critic clan.
^^ First in the ranks illustrious shall be seen
*^ The travelled Thane ! Athenian Aberdeen*.
^^ Herbert shall wield Thob's hammert, and some-
times
^^ In gratitude thou'lt praise his rugged rhymes.

^ * His liOrdship has been much abroad, U a Member of the Atheoian
Society, and Reviewer of *' Gbll's Topography of Troy.*'

- f Mr. Hbbbert is a translator of Icelandic and other poetry.
One of the principal pieces is a ** Song on the Recovery of THoa*s

D 4

40: n^QMBn M^A^wyn^

^' Smug Sydney* too thy bitler pago shall seek,
^< And classic HajulamI^ mtbchTenowned for Gnidc,

Hammer :'* the translation is a pleasant chaunt in the ynlgar tongue,

ft

and endeth thvl : —

'* Instead of money and rings, I wot,
'* The hammer's bruises were her lot,
^^ Thus Odin*s son his hammer got.
* The Rev. Stvitet Smith, the reputed Author of Peter PIymI^*s
Letters, and sundry criticisms.

f Mr. Hallax reviewed PaIthe Knight's Taste, and was exceed-
ingly severe 4Mgi some Gtfeek verM^i .therein: it Was not diacorered that
the lines were Pindar's till the press rendered it impossible to cancel
the critique, which still stands an everlasting monument of Hallam's
ingenuity.

The said Hallam is incensed, because he is falsely accused, seeing .
that he never dineth at Holland House.^If this be true, I am sorry—
not for having said so, but on his account, as I understand his Lord-
ship's feasts are preferable to his compositions.— If he did not review
Lord Holland's performance, I«m glad, because it must have been pain-
ful to read, and irksome to praise it.< If Mr. Hallam will tell ipe who
did review it, the real nane^hAll find a place in the text^ provided ne-
▼erthel^ the said name be of two orthodox musical syllables, and
will come into the verse, till then, Hallam must stand for want of a
better*

AXB SCOTCH mEYIEWERS. 4l

^^ Scott may perdbiance his name and influence lend,
^^ And paltry PiLLAiCff* shall traduce his friend.
" While gay Thalia's luckless votary LAMBEt, 510
^^ As he himself was damned, shall try to damn.
^^ Known be thy name ! unbounded be thy sway !
^^ Thy Holland's banquets shall each toil repay ;
" While grateful Britain yields the praise she owes,
^^ To HoLiiAND^s hirelings, and to Learning's foes.
^^ Yet mark one caution, ere thy next Review
^^ Spread its light wings of Saffron and of Blue,
^^ Beware lest blundering Brougham j: destroy the

sale,
<^ Turn Beef to, Bannocks, Cauliflowers to Kail/'

* PiLLANB is a tutor at Eton.

+ The honourable G. Lambb reviewed '* Beresvord's Miseries/*^
and is moreover Author of a Farce enacted with much applause at the
Priory, Stanmore; and damned with great expedition at the late
Theatre, CoTent-Garden. It was entitled ** Whistle for It.*'

f Mr. Brougham, in "No. XXV. of the Edinburgh Review, through-
out the article concerning Don Pedro de CevalloSy has displayed more

4S ENGLISH BARDS,

Thus having said, the kilted Goddess kist 5S0

Her son, and vanished in a Scottish mbt*.

polUics than policy : many of the worthy Bnrgeasea of Edinburgh be-
ing so incensed at the infamous principles it eYinces> as to have with"
drawn their subscriptions.

It seems that Mr. Brougham is not a Pict, as I supposed, but a Bor-
derer, and his name Is pronounced Broom, from Trent to Tay: — So
be it.

* I ought to apologise to the worthy Deities for introducing a new
Goddess with short petticoats to their notice : but, alas ! what was to
be done ? I could not say Caledonia's Genius, it being well known
there is no Genius to be found from Clackmannaif' to Gaitimess, yet
without supernatural agency, how was JeJfrey to be saved ? The na-
tional ** Kelpies,'* &c. are too unpoetical, and the ** Brownies*' and
*'gude neighbours,** (spirits of a good disposition) refused to extricate
him. A Goddess therefore has been called for the purpose, and great
ought to be the gratitude of Jeffrey, seeing it b the only communication
he ever held, or is likely to hold, with any thing heavenly.

AND SCOTCH HBVIEWERS. 43

■ - - - - I - ' ■ ■ I ■■>

Illustxiotts Holland ! hard would be his lot
His hirelings mentioned, and himself forgot !
Holland, with Henrt Petty at his back,
The whipper-in and huntsman of the pack.
Blest be the banquets spread at Holland House,
Where Scotchmen feed, and Critics may carouse I
Long, long beneath that hospitable roof,
Shall Grub-street dine, while duns are kept aloof.
See honest Hallah lay aside his fork, 530

Resume his pen, review his Lordship's work,
And grateful to the founder of the feast,
Declare his landlord can translate, at least* !
Dunedin ! view thy children with delight.
They write for food, and feed because they write :
And lest, when heated with the unusual grape.
Some glowing thoughts should to the press escape,

* Lord H. has translated some specimens of Lope de Vega, inserted
in his life of the Aathor: both are bepraised hy his dinmtere$Ud guests.

44; ENGLISH BARDS^

And tinge with red the female reader's cheel,
My lady skims the cream of each critique ;
Breathes o^er the page her purity of soul, 540

Reforms each error and refines the whole*.

Now to the drama turn — oh ! motley sight !
What precious scenes the wondering eyes invite !
PunS) and a Prince within a barrel pentf ,
And Dibdin's nonsense yield complete content.
Though now, thank Heaven! the Rosciomania's o'er,
And full-grown actors are endured once more ;
Yet, what avails their vain attempts to please.
While British critics suffer scenes like these ?

* Certain it isj her Ladyship is suspected of having displayed her
matchless wit in the Edinbargh Review: however that may be, we
know from good authority, that the manuscripts are submitted to her
perusal— no doubt for correction.

f In the melo-drameof Tekeli, that heroic prince isdapt into a bar*
rel on the stage, a new asylum for distressed heroes.

AND SCOTCH BEVIEWER8. 45

While Retnolbs vents his ^^ dammes^ poohs/' and
« zounds*," 650

And common place, and common sense confounds ?
While Kenny's World just suffered to proceed.
Proclaims the audience very kind indeed ?
And Beaumont's pilfered Caratach affords
A tragedy complete in all but wordsf ?
Who but must mourn, while these are all the rage.
The degradation of our vaunted stage ?
Heavens I is all sense of shame, and talent gone I
Have we no living Bard of merit ? — none ?
Awake, George Colm an, Cumberland, awake ! 5G0
Ring the alarum bell, let folly quake !

• All these are favowlte ezpresBions of Mr. R. and prominent in his
Comedies, living and defiinct.

f Mr. T. Sheridan, the new Manager of Dntry-Lant Theatre, strip*
ped the Tragedy of Bonduca of the Dialogue, and exhibited the scenes
as the spectacle of Caractacut.— Was this worthy of his sire? or of him-
self?

46 £KGLI8H BA]ID«9

Oh ! Sheridak! if aught can move thy pen^

Let Comedy resume her throne again,

Abjure the mummery of German schools.

Leave new Pizarros to translating fools ;

Give as thy last memorial to the age,

One classic drama, and reform the stage.

Gods ! o*er those boards shall Folly rear her head

Where Garrics trod, and Kemble lives to tread?

On those shall Farce display buffoonery's mask, 570

And Hook conceal his heroes in a cask?

Shall sapient managers new scenes produce

From Cherry, Skbffington, and Mother Goose?

AVhile Shakespeare, Otway, Massinger, forgot.

On stalls must moulder, or in closets rot?

Lo! with what pomp the daily prints proclaim.

The rival candidates for Attic fame !

V

Jn grim array though Lewis* spectres rise,
Still Skbffington and Goose divide the prizc^

'^T^r^*'^'

AND SCOTCH BEYIEWERS. 47

And sure great Skeffington must claim our praise.
For skirtless coats, and skeletons of plays
Renowned alike ; whose genius ne'er confines
Her flight to garnish Greenwood's gay designs*;
Nor sleeps with ^^ Sleeping Beauties," but anon
In fire facetious acts comes thundering onf ,
While poor John Bull, bewildered with the scene,
Stares, wondering what the devil it can mean ;
But as some hands applaud, a renal few I
Rather than sleep, why John applauds it too.

Such are we now, ah f wherefore should we turn 590
To what our fathers were, unless to mourn ?
Degenerate Britons ! are ye dead to shame.
Or, kind to dullness, do you imr to blame ?

* Mr. Greenwood is, we believe, Scene-Painter to Drury Lane
Thea'tre — as such, Mr. S. is much indebted to him.

f Mr. S. is the illostrioiis author of the " Sleeping Beauty :" and
some Comedies, particularly " Maids and Bachelors," Baculaurii
baculo niagis quam lauro digni.

48 KN6LI8H BARDS,

Well may tibe nobles of our present race
Watch each distortion of a Naldi'b fiiee ;
Well may they smile on Italy's buffocms,
And worship Catalani's pantaloons*,
Since their own Drama yields no fahrer trace
Of wit than pun$9 of humour than grimace.

Then let Ausonia, skilFd in ev'ry art 600

To soften manners, but corrupt the heart,
Pour her exotic follies o'er the town,
To sanction Vice and hunt decorum down :
Let wedded strumpets languish o'er Deshayes,
And bless the promise which his form displays ;
While Gayton bounds before the enraptured looks
Of hoary Marquises a||d stripling Dukes :

* Naldi and Cataiani require little notice,— for the visage of the
one, and the salary of the other, will enable us long to recollect these
amusing vagabonds $ besides, we are still black and blue from the
squeeze on the first night of the Lady's appearance in trowsers.

AND ieOT0H BBTllWERS, 49

Let lA^lwtB leickeff^tje tlie lively Pmte
Twirl brf U^kt Ifattbt t^dl sfuni Ae ncedlenis veit ;
Let Angiolini feme her breMl #f sboii;^, 610

Wave the white aTm Md ffoimtf the ptiimt IM ;
Colliai tritt her tove-insipiriii^ s^kkiB?
Strain her Sannr neek arndi efaa«im the lisleiiiag thffoiig !
Raise not your scythe, Suppressors of our Vice !
JreeioTiittnj^ oftiftis ! too aenCftTely iiiee !
By whose decrees, our sinful souls to save,
No Sunday tankards foam, no barbers share ;
And beer undrawn and beards unmown disj^y
Your holy rcVrcnee for the Sabbath-day.

Or, hail at once the patron and the pile 090

Of vice and folly, Grcville and Argyle* !

* To prevent any blandtf , such as mistaking; a street for a man*, t heg
ieav« t«fftet«» tet it is the lastitatiim, and not tlw Dirite of diat Bane,
whicli is liew alluded to.

E

50 KN6LI8H BABD8,

Where yon proud palace Fashion's hallowed fane^

Spreads wide her portals for the motley train,

Behold the new Petronius* of the day,

The Arbiter of pleasure and of play !

There the hired Eunuch, the Hesperian choir^

The melting lute, the soft lascivious lyre,

A gentleman, with whom I am slightly acquainted, lost in the Argyle
Rooms several thousand pounds at Backgammon ; it h but justice to the
manager in this instance to say, that some degree of disapprobation was
manifested, but why are the implements of gaming allowed in a place
devoted to the society of both sexes ? A pleasant thing for the wives
and daughters of those who are blest or curst with such connections, to
l^ar the Billiard-tables rattling in one room, and the dice in another I
That this is the case I myself can testify, as a late unwortl^ member of an
Institution which materially affects the morals of the higher ord«n, while
the lower may not even move to the sound of a tabor aad'MMItwithottt
a chance of indictment for riotous behwviour.

• Petronins ^* Arbiter etegantiamm" to (fero, ^< and a very pretty
fellow la his day*'' as Mr. CoMaBEVfi's 014 Bachelor saitb.

AND SCOTCH REVIEWERS. 5i

The song from Italy, the step from France,
The midnight orgy, and the mazy dance,
The smile of beauty, and the flush of wine, 630

For fops, fools, gamesters, knaves, and Lords com-
bine;
Each to his humour, — Comus all allows ;
Champaign, dice, music, or your neighbour's spouse.
Talk not to us, yc starving sons of trade !
Of piteous ruin, which ourselves have made :
In Plenty's sunshine Fortune's minions bask.
Nor think of Poverty , except " en masque,"
When for the night some lately titled ass
Appears the beggar which his grandsire was.
The curtain dropped, the gay Burletta o'er, 640
The audience take their turn upon the floor ;
Now round the room the circling dow'gers sweep,
Now in loose waltz the thin-clad daughters leap:

£ 2

50 BKGM41I BAKMy

The first in lengthened Kne majestic swim.

The last dispbj the free, unfettered limb :

Those for HSbernia's histy sons repair

With art the charms which Nature coald not spare ;

These after husbands wing their eager flight,

Nor leave much myster j for the nuptial night.

Oh ! blest retreats of infamy and ease ! 650

Where, all forgotten but the power to please,
Each maid may gire a loose to genial thought.
Each swain may teach new systems, or be taught :
There the blithe youngster, just returned from Spain,
Cuts the light padt, or calls the rattling main ;
The jovial Caster*s set, and seven's the nick.
Or — done ! — ^a thousand on the coming trick !
If, mad with loss, existence 'gins to tire,
And all your hope or wish is to expire.

AND SCOTCH HBTIEWEltS. 53

Here's Powsi^ii's pistol ready for your life, 660

And, kinder still, a Paget for your wife :

Fit consumsBfatioBi of an earthly race

Begun lA iolly, ended in disgrace,

While none bat menials o'er the bed of death,

Wash thy red wounds, or watch thy wavering breath;

Tfaduced by liars, and forgot by all,

The mangled victim of a drunken brawl.

To live like Clodius*, and like Falkland+ fall.

* Mutato nomine de te
Falnria narratur.

f I knew the late Lord Falklanv welL On Soaday sight I beheld
him presiding at his own table, in all the honest pride of hospitality 9
on Wednesday morning, at three o'clock, I saw stretched before me all
that remained of courage, feeling, and a host of pafisions. He was a
gallant and successful oificer } his faults were the faults of a sailor, at
such Britons will forgive them. He died like a brave man in a better
cause ; for had he fallen in like manner on the deck of the frigate to
which he was just appointed, his last moments would have been held up
by his countrymen as an example to succeeding heroes.

£3

54 ENGLISH BABDS,

Truth ! rouse some genuine Bard, and guide his
hand
To drive this pestilence from out the land. 670

Even I — least thinking of a thoughtless throng.
Just skilled to know the right and chuse the wrong,
Freed at that age when Reason^s shield is lost
To fight my course through Passion's countless host,
Whom every path of pleasure's flowery way
Has lured in turn, and all have led astray —
E'en I must raise my voice, e'en I must feel
Such scenes, such men destroy the public weal :
Altho' some kind, censorious friend will say,
" Whatart thou better, meddling fool, than they ?"680
And every Brother Rake will smile to see
That miracle, a Moralist in me.
No matter — when some Bard in virtue strong,
GiFFORD perchance, shall raise the chastening song.
Then sleep my pen for ever ! and my voice
Be only heard to hail him and rejoice;

AND SCOTCH REVIEWERS. 55

Rejoice, and yield my feeble praise, though I
May feel the lash that virtue must apply*

As for the smaller fry, who swarm in shoals
From silly Hafiz* up to simple Bowles, 690

Why should we call them from their dark abode,
In broad St. Giles's, or in Tottenham Road ?
Or (since some men of fashion nobly dare
To scrawl in verse) from Bond-street or the Square t
If things often their harmless lays indite.
Most wisely doomed to shun the public sight,
What harm ? in spite of every critic elf,
Sir T. may read his stanzas to himself;

* What would be the sentiments of the Persian Anacreon, Hafiz^
could he rise from his splendid sepulchre at Sbeeraz, where he reposes
with Ferdousi and Sadi, the Oriental Homer and Catullus, and be-
hold his name assumed by one Stott of Dromore, the most impudent
and execrable of literary poachers for the Daily Priats?

£ 4

56 £ireiii«H basimi,

Miles Aworcws «tiU bi« etr^Hftfc i* leoupfets ixfy

And live in prologuefl, thol^|l km dramas die. 700

Lords too are Bards : such things at times befal,

And 'tis some praise in Peers to write mt all.

Yet, did or taste or reason simjr the timea.

Ah ! who would taJte tbeir titles wiih their rbyiaes ?

Roscommon ! SaEFiPiEiiD! with your spirits fled,

No future laurels deck a noMe bead;

No Mu^e will cheer with renovating smile,

The paralytic puling of CARiiieLE :

The puny Schoolboy and his early lay

Men pardon, if his follies pass away ; 710

But who forgives the Senior's ceaseless verse.

Whose hairs grow hoary as his rhymes grow worse ?

What heterogeneous honours deck the Peer!

Lord, rhymester, petit-maitre, pamphleteer*!

* The Earl of Carlisle bas laiely published an eif^teen-pcnoy paai*
phlet on the state of the Stage, and offers his plan for building a new
theatre ; it is to be hoped his Lordship will be permitted to bring for<«
ward any thing for the Stage, except his own tragedies,

ADN $GOfC][ mEVI£irER8. 57

So dull in jroutli, so drivelling in his ag^^
His scenes alone Itad danincd onr sinking stage ;
But Managers for once cried, ^^ hold, enough!"
Nor drugged their audience with the tragic stuff*
Yet at their judgment let his Lordship laugh,
And case his volumes in congenial' calf: 7S0

Yes ! doff that covering where Morocco shines,
And hang a calf-skin* on those recreant lines.

With you, ye Druids! rich in native lead.
Who daily scribble for your daily bread ;
With you I war not : Gifford's heavy hand
Has crushed, without remorse, your numerous band«

• *< Doff that lion's hide
<^ And hang a calf-skin on those recreant limbs,"

Shak: Kivo JoBur,
Lord C.'s works, most resplendeotly bound, form a C4wapic«Q«s onia«
mient to bis book-shelves :

«« The rest is all bat leather and pnin^lla,"

58 ENGLISH BARDS)

On ^^ all the Talents" vent your venal spleen,
Want your defence, let Pity be your screen.
Let Monodies on Fox regale your crew,
And Melville's Mantle* prove a Blanket too ! 730
One common Lethe waits each hapless Bard,
And peace be with you! 'tis your best reward.
Such damning fame as Dunciads only give
Could bid your lines beyond a morning live ;
But now at once jour fleeting labours close,
With names of greater note in blest repose.
IFar be't from me unkindly to upbraid
The lovely Rosa's prose in masquerade.
Whose strains, the faithful echoes of her mind,
Leave wondering comprehension far behindt. 740

* Melville's Mantle, a parody on " Elijah's Mantle," a poem,
f This lovely little Jessica, the daughter of the noted Jew K-

•eems to be a follower of the Delia Crasca School, and has published
two volumes of very respectable absurdities in rhyme, as times go ; be-
tides sundry novels in the style of the first edition of the Monk

AND SCOTCH RETIBWER8. 59

Though Bell has lost his nightingales and owls,
Matilda snivels still, and Hafiz howls,
And Crusca's spirit, rising from the dead.
Revives in Laura, Quiz, and X. Y. Z.*

When some brisk youth, the tenant of a stall,
Employs a pen less pointed than his awl,
Leaves his snug shop, forsakes his store of shoes,
St. Crispin quits, and cobbles for the Muse,
Heavens ! how the vulgar stare ! how crowds applaud !
How ladies read ! and Literati laud ! 750

If chance some wicked wag should pass his jest,
'Tis sheer ill-nature ; don't the world know best?
Genius must guide when wits admire the rhyme.
And Capel LoFFTt declares 'tis quite sublime.

* These are the signatures of ▼arioos worthies who figure in the poeti-
cal departments of the newspapers.

-I- Capb. Lofpt, Esq. the Maecenas of shoemakers, and Preface-
writer-General to dbtressed ▼erseroen ; a kind of gratis Accoacheur to
those who wish to be delivered of rhyme, bat do not know how to
bring it forth.

60 BXOLIfttf BAEO89

Hear, then, ye happj sons of needless trade !

Swains ! quit tlie plough, resign the useless spade :

Lo! Burns and Bloomfieli)*, nay, a greater far,

GiFFORD wa« born beneath an adverse star.

Forsook the labours of a servile state,

Stemmed the rude storm , and triumphed over Fate : 760

Then why no more ? if Phoebus snriled on you,

Bloomfield ! why not on brother Nathan too ?

Him too the Mania, not the Muse, has seized ;

Not inspiration, but a mind diseased :

And now no Boor can seek his last abode,

No common be enclosed without an ode.

Oh ! since increased refinement deigns to smile

On Britain's sons and bless our genial Isle,

Let Poesy go forth, pervade the whole.

Alike the rustic, and mechanic soul : 770

* See Nathaitiel Bloomfield^b ode, elegy, or whatever he or any
one else chooses to call it, 00 the encloBure of '* Honington Green/'

AND SCOTCH BEVIEWERS. 61

Ye tuneful cobblers ! stiU your Jiotes proitong,
Compose at once a slipper and a scMig;
So shall the fair your handy work peruse
Your sonnets sure shall please — ^perhaps your shoes*
May Moorland* weayers boast Pindaric skill.
And taylors' lays be longer than their bill !
While punctual beaux reward the grateful notes^
And pay for poems — ^when they pay for coats.

To the famed throng now paid the tribiUe due.
Neglected Genius ! let me turn to you. 780

Come forth^ oh Campbell !t give thy talents scope;
Who dare» aspire if thou must cease to hope?

* Vide '' Recollections of a Weaver in the Moorlands of Stafford-
shire."

+ It w«uld b« stti^erfluons t9 reeai to the mind of the reader the au*
thor of " The Pleasures of Memory" and the Pleasures of Hope," the
most beautifal Didactic poems in our language, if uc except Pope^s
Essay on Man : but sor many poetasters have started up, that even tie
names of Campbell and Rogers are become strange.

62 ENGLISH BARDIS,

And thou^ melodious Rogers ! rise at last,
Recal the pleasing memory of the past;
Arise! let blest remembrance still inspire,
And strike to wonted tones thy hallowed lyre ;
Restore Apollo to his vacant throne,
Assert thy country's honour and thine own.
What! must deserted Poesy still weep
Where her last hopes with pious Co wper sleep ? 790
Unless perchance, from his cold bier she turns.
To deck the turf that wraps her minstrel. Burns!
No! iho' contempt hath marked the spurious broody
The race who rhyme from folly, or for food ;
Yet still some genuine sons 'tis ber's to boast.
Who least affecting, still affect the most;

Feel as they write, and write but as they feel —
Bear witness Gifford, Sothebt, Macneil*.

* Gifford, author of the Baviad and Mseviad, the first satires of the
da^yy and translator of Juvenal.

J

AND SCOTCH BEVIEWERS. 63

" Why slumbetj Gifford ?" once was asked in
vain:*
Why slumbers Gifford ? let us ask again. 800

Are there no follies for his pen to purge ?
Are there no fools whose backs demand the scourge ?
Are there no sins for Satire's Bard to greet ?
Stalks not gigantic Vice in every street ?
Shall Peers or Princes tread pollution's path,
And 'scape alike the Law's and Muse's wrath ?
Nor blaze with guilty glare through future time,
Eternal beacons of consummate crime ?

SoTHEBT, translator of Wieland*8 Oberon, and Virgil's Georgics»
and author of Saul, an epic poem.

Macneil, whose poems are deservedly popular : particularly " Scot-
land's Scaith, or the Waes of War," of which ten thousand copies were
sold in one month.

• Mr. Gifford promised publicly that the Baviad and Maeviad should
not be his last original works : let him remember ; " Mox in reluctantes
Dracones."

Arouse thee, Gifpobd f be thy promide elaimed^
Make bad men better, or at least ashamed. 810

Unhappy WnrrE* f while life was in its spring,
And thy young Muse just wared her joyous wing,
The spoiler cam6 ; and all thy prdmise fair
Has sought the grave, to sleep for ever there.
Oh ! whfit a noble heart was here undone,
When Science 'self destroyed her favourite sonl
Yes ! she too much indulged thy fond pursuit.
She sowed the seeds, but death has reaped the fruit;
^was thine own Genius^ave the final blow
And helped to plant the wound that laid thee low : 820

* Hewrt Kirkb Whitk died at Cambridge io October 1606^ in con-
sequence of too much exertion in the pursuit of studies that would have
matured a mind which disease and poverty could not impair, and which
Death itself destroyed rather than subdued. His poems abound in such
beauties as must impress the reader with the liveliest regret that so short
a period was allotted to talents, which would have dignified even tho
sacred functions he was destined to assume.

AND SCOTCH RETIBWEftS. 63

So the struck Eagle stretched updn the ptein.
No more through rolling clouds to soar again.
Viewed his own feather on the fatal dart,
And winged the shaft that quivered in his heart:
Keen were his pangs, but keener far to feel
He nursed the pimon which impelled the steel,
While the same plumage that had warmed his nest
Drank the last life-drop of his bleeding breast.

There be, who say in these enlightened days
That splendid lies are all the poets praise ; 830

That strained invention, ever on the wing.
Alone impels the modern Bard to sing :
'Tis true, that all who rhyme, nay, all who write.
Shrink from that fatal word to Genius — Trite ;
Yet Truth sometimes will lend her noblest fires,
And decorate the verse herself inspires :

66 BNOLIUS BAKDS^

This faet ia Virlue^s name let Ckabbb attest,
Though Nature's sternest Painter, jet the best,

And here let Sheb* and Genius find a place,
Whose pen and poncll yield an equal grace ; 840
To guide whose hand the sister Arts Qombine,
And trace the Poet's or the Painter'^ line ;
Whose magic touch can bid the canvass glow,
Or pour the easy rhyme's harmonious flow,
While honours doubly merited intend
The Poet's rival, but the Painter's friend*

Blest is the man I who dares approach the bower
Where dwelt the Muses at their natal hour;

«

Whose steps have pressed, whose eye has marked

afar,
The clime that nursed the sons of song and war, 850

* Mr. SaEE« aslhor pf ^' Rbjmts pn Arl/' and '< Ekments of Art."

AND SCOTCH E&^YIEWERS. 67

The scenes which Gtory still must'hoveir o*er;
Her place of birth^ her owA A6h8ian shore :
But doubly blest is he, whose heart es;panda
With hallowed feelings for those classic lands ;
Who rends the veil of ages loiifg gone by,
And yiews their remnants with a poet's eye!
Wbight* ! *twa« thy happy lot at once to yiew
Those shores of glory, and to sing them to6 ;
And sure no common Muse inspired thy pen
To hail the land of Gods and Godlike men. 860

And you, associate Bardst ! who snatched to light
Those Gems tpo long withheld from modern sight;

* Mr. Wright late Oonsiil-General for tBe Seren tdands/is author of a
ftry beautiful poem just published ^ it is entitled, ^' Horas lonicse," and
is descriptive of the Isles and the adjacent coast of Greece'.

f The translators of the Anthology have since published Separate
poems, which evince geql^ that only requires opportunity to attain
fmii[ieDce.

6B BirOLISfi BABDS|

Whose mingling taste combined to cull the wreath
Where Attic flowers Aonian odours breathe.
And all their renovated fragrance flung,
To grace the beauties of your native tongue;
Now let those minds that nobly could transfuse
The gloiious Spirit of the Grecian Muse,
Though soft the echo, scorn a borrowed tone :
Resign Achaia's lyre and strike your own. 870

Let these, or sudh as these, with just applause|
Restore the Muse's violated laws;
But not in flimsy Darwin's pompous chime^
That mighty master of unmeaning rhyme;
Whose gilded cymbals, more adorned than clear^
The eye delighted but fatigued the ear,
In show the simple l}rre could once surpass,
But now worn down, appear in nativie brass;

AND SCOTCH BETIBWSR9. 69

While all his train of hoyering sylphs around^
Evaporate in similies and sound : 880

Him let them shun, with him let tinsel die :

False glare attracts, but more offends the eye*.

Yet let them not to vulgar Wqudsworth stoop.
The meanest object of the lowly group>
Whose verse of all but childish prattle void.
Seems blessed hannonyto Lambe and LLornf :
Let them-4>ut hold my Muse, nor dare to teach
A strain, far, far beyond thy humble reach ;
The native genius with their feeling given
Will point the path, and peal their notes to heaven,

• The neglect ef the ** Botaaie Gtoden,** is leme proof of retarning
taste ; the acenery b its sole recommeDdation.

-¥ Menn. Laicbb and Lu>T9y the most if^oble foHowersy of Socthst
«wl Co«

f3

70 EVGLItH BABOSy

And thoti, too, ScLOTt* ! resign to Ainstrels nide.
The wilder Slogan of a Border feud :
Let others spin their meagre lines for hire t
Enough for Genius if itself inspire !
Let SouTHEf sing, altho' his teeming muse^
Prolific every spring, be too profuse ;
Let simple Wordsworth chime his chUdish verse,
And brother Coleridge lull the babe at nurse ;
Ijet Spectre-mongering Lewis aim, at most,
To rouse the Galleries, or to raise a ghost ; 900

Let Moore be lewd; let Strakgford steal from

Moore,
And swear that Camoens sang such notes of yore;
Let Hatley hobble on; Montgomery rave;
And godly Grahahe chaunt a stupid stave;

> b

* By the bye, I hope that Id Mr. Scott'b next poem his hero or
lieroine wiU be less addicted to '* Gramarye," and more to Gnunmary
4haii the Lady of the Lay, aod her Bravo WiUiam of Deloraine*

ASIk JCOTCH BEYIKWERt, 71

I ' . 11 u

Let sonndteering Bowles his strains refine.
And whine and whimper to the fourteenth line ;
Let StotT) Carlisle*, Matilda, and the rest
Of Grub«street, and of Grosvenor^Place the best,

* It may be asked why I have censared the Earl of Caruslb, my
fiuurdian and relative, to whom I dedicated a volume of puerile poemi
a few years a|;o. The guardianahlp was nomioal, at least as far as
I have been able to discover ; the relationship I cannot help, and am
very sorry for it | but as his Lordship seemed to forget it on a very es«
sential occasion to me, I shall not burthen my memory with the recol«
lection. I do not think that personal differences sanction the uiuust
condemnation of a brother scribbler $ but I. see no reason why they
should act as a preventive, when the author, noble or ignoble,
has for a series of years beguiled a '* discerning public" (as the adver*
tisements have it) with divers reams of most orthodox, imperial non*
sense. Besides, I do not step aside to vituperate the Earl ; no— hit
works come fairly in review with those of other Patrician Literati. Ify
before I escaped from my teens, I said any thing in favour of bis Lord-
ship's paper books, it was in the way of dutiful dedication, and more
from the advice of others than my own judgment, and I seiae the first
opportunity of pronouncing my sincere recantation. I have heard that
some persons conceive me to be under obligations to Lord CAaitiSLB : if

f4

78 BNGLMH BABD8|

Scrawl on, 'till death release us from the strain^
Or common sense assert her rights again; 910

But Thou, with powers that mock the aid of praise,
Should'st leave to humbler Bards ignoble lays :
Thy country's voice, the voice of all the Nine,
Demand a hallowed harp — ^that harp is thine.
Say I will not Caledonia's annals yield
The glorious record of some nobler field,
Than the vile foray of a plundering clan.
Whose proudest deeds disgrace the name of man?

80, I shall be most particularly happy to learn what they are, and when
conferred, that they may be doly appreciated, and pnblidy acknow-
ledged. What I have humbly advanced as an opinion on his printed
things, I am prepared to support if necessary, by quotations from Ele-
gies, Eulogies, Odes, Episodes, and certain ftcetious and dainty trage*
dies bearing his namci and mark :

** What can ennoble knaves, or /o«2t, or cowards^
*' Alas ! not all the blood of aU the Howards !'*
M> lays Pops. Amen !

AND SCOTCH BBTIEWER8. 73

Or Mannion's acts of darkness, fitter food

For outlawed Sherwood's tales of Robin Hood ? 9^

Scotland I still proudly claim thy native Bard,

And be thy praise his first, his best reward !

Yet not with thee alone his name should live,

But own the. vast renown a world can give ;

Be known perchance, when Albion is no more,

And tell the tale of what she was before ;

To future times her faded fame recall,

And save her glory, though his country fall.

Yet what avails the sanguine Poet's hope ?
To conquer ages, and with Time to cope ! 930

New eras spread their wings, new nations rise,
And other Victors* fill the applauding skies;
A few brief generations fleet along.
Whose sons forget the Poet and his song :

>j

* *' ToUere homo; victorqne yirnm volitare per ora.'

Virgil.

74 XVGLISH BAIIM^ t .

f" , f , 1 ,^, 1 ■ ., I =553^1

E'en now, wfaat-once loved Minstrels scarce maj claim
!l?he transient mention of a dabions name !
When Fame's loud trump hath blown it^s noblest blasts
Though long the sound the echo sleeps at last,
And glory, like the Phoenix midst her fires,
Exhales her odours, blazes, and expires. 040

Shall hoary Granta call her sable sons,
Expert in science, more expert at puns?
Shall these approach the Muse? all no! she flies,
And even spurns the great Seatonian prize,
Though Printers condescend the press to soil
With rhyme by Hoare, and epic blank by HotlK:
Not him whose page, if still upheld by whist.
Requires no sabered theme to bid us list.*

♦ The " Games of Hoyle," well known to the votaries of Whist,
Chess, &c. are not to be superseded by the vagaries of his poetical
namesake, whose poem comprised, as expressly stated in the adTertise*
pent, all the " Plagaesof Egypt.'*

AND.BCOTOH SfiYISWERB. 75

Ye ! who in Granta's konours would surpass
Must mount her Pegasus, a fuU-growB ass ; 960

A foal well worthy of her ancient dam.
Whose Helicon is duller than her Cam-

There Cla«k£, still striving piteously ^^ to please/*
Forgetting doggrel leads not to degrees,

A would-be satirist, a hired Buffoon,

A monthly scribbler of some low Lampoon,

Condemned to drudge the meanest of the mean,

And furbish falsehoods for a magazine,

Devotes to scandal his congenial mind i

Himself a living libel on mankind*. 960

* This person, who has lately betrayed the moit rapid fymptomi of
confirmed authorsh*p, is writer of a poem denominated the '* Art of
Pleasing," as ** Lucas a non lucendo/' containing little pleasantry^ aiid
less poetry. He also acts as monthly stipendiary and collector pf ca?
^umnies for the Satirist. If this unfortonate young man would axchange

76 BNGtISH BABO89

Oh dark asylum of a Vandal race*!
At once the boast of learning, and disgrace ;
So sunk in dullness and so lost in shame
That SMYTHEand HoBGsoNf scarce redeem thjfitme!
But where fair Isis rolls her purer wave.
The partial Muse delighted loves to lave.
On her green banks a greener wreath is wove.
To crown the Bards that haunt her classic grove^

the magazines for the mathematics, and endeavour to take a decent
degree in his nniversity, it might eventually prove more serviceable than
his present salary.

* *' Into Cambridgeshire the Emperor Probos transported a consi-
derable body of Vandals."-— Gibbon's Decline and Fall, page 83, vol.2.
There is no reason to doubt the truth of this assertion, the breed is stiU
in high perfection.

f Thb gentleman's name requires no praise ; the man who in transla-
tion displays laq ue i tl onabie genius, may well be expected to excel in
original composition, of which It is to be hoped we shall soon see ft
Splendid specimen*

AND SCOTtft RET^BtfERS. Tl

Where Richards wakes a genuine poet's fires,
And modern Britons justly praise their Sires*. 970

For me, who thus unasked have dared f o tell
My country, what her sons should know too well.
Zeal for her honour bade me here engage
The host of idiots that infest her age.
No just applause her honoured name shall lo8(^
As first in freedom, dearest to the Muse.
Oh ! would thy Bards but emulate thy fame
And rise, more worthy, Albion, of thy name !
What Athens was in science, Rome in power,
What Tyre appeared in her meridian hour, 980
'Tis thine at once, fair Albion, to have been.
Earth's chief dictatress, Ocean's mighty queen:
But Rome decayed, and Athens strewed the plain,
And Tyre's proud piers lie shattered in the main;

^ The *^ Aborigiiial Britoii8>^' an exceUeot poem by Richaedi.

78 ENGLISH BARD85

■ ' '. ' ' ' I'm

Like these tlijr strength may sink in ruin hurled^

And Britain fall, the bulwark of the World.

Bat let me cease, and dread Cassandra^s fate,

With warning ever scoffed at> 'till too late ;

To themes less lofty still my lay confine,

And urge thy Bards to gain a name like thine. 999

Then, hapless Britain! be thy rulers blest
The senate's oracles, the people's jest I
Still hear thy motley orators dispense
The flowers of rhetoric, though not of sense,
While Canning's colleagues hate him &r his wit^
And old dame PoRTiiAND* fills the place of Pitt«

Yet once again adieu I ere this the sail
That wafts me hence is shivering in the gale ;

• A friend of mine being asked why his Grace of P. was likened lo an*
old woman ? replied, '* he supposed it was because he was past heart
ing."

AND iCOTCH Jl£VI£W£R8. 79

And Afric's coast and Calpe*s* adverse heigbt>
And Stamboul'st' minarets must greet my sight : 1000
Thence shall I stray through beauty's): native clime,
Where Kaff § is clad in rocks, and crowned with

snows suUime.
But should I back jreturn, no lettered rage
Shall drag my common-place book on the stage :
Let vain Yalbntju |j rival luckless Carr,
And equal him whose work he sought to mar ;

* Calpe is the ancient name of Gibraltar,
f Staaib4iiil isthe Tnrkish word for Goii|taiitinople«
f Georgia, remariiable for tlie beauty of its inhabitants*
^ Monnt Caucasus,

I Lord VALnrnA (whose tremendous travels are forthcoming with
due decorations, graphical, topographical, and typographical) de-
posed, on Sir Jomr Carr's unlucky suit, that Dubois's satire pre-
vented his purchase of the " Stranger in Ireland."^ Oh fie, my Lord !
has y^ur Lordship no more feeling for a fellow-tourist? but '* two of
a trades" they say, &c.

fOf ENGLISH BARDfl,

Let Abedeen and Elgin* still pursue
The shade of fame through regions of Virtu ;
Waste useless thousands on their Phidian freaks,
Mis-shapen monuments, and maimed antiques; 1010
And make their grand saloons a general mart
For all the mutilated blocks of art :
Of Dardan tours let Dilettanti tell,
I leave topography to classic GfiLLt ;
And, quite content, no more shall interpose
To stun mankind with Poesy, or Prose.

Thus far I've held my undisturbed career,

Prepared for rancour, steeled 'gainst selfish fear:

«

* Lord Elgin ^onld fain persuade us that all the fi(^ares, with and

without noses, in his stone-diop, are the work of Phidias ! ** Credat
Jttdens !**

f Mr. Gell^s Topography of Troy and Ithaca cannot fail to ensure

the approbation of every man possessed of classical Itete, as well for the

information Mr. G. conveys to the mind of the reader, as for the ability

and research the respective works display. ^

AND SCOTCH REVIEWERS. 81

This thing of rhyme I ne'er disdained to own —
Though not obtrusive, yet not quite unknown, lOSO
My voice was heard again, though not so loud,
My page, though nameless, never disavowed.
And now at once I tear the veil away : —
Cheer on the pack ! the Quarry stands at bay,
Unscared by all the din of Melbourne house,
By Lambe's resentment, or by Holland's spouse,
By Jeffrey's harmless pistol, Hallam's rage,
Eoina's brawny sons and brimstone page.
Our men in Buckram shall have blows enough,
And feel, they too are ^^ penetrable stuff:" 1030
And though I hope not hence unscathed to go,

• *>

Who conquers me, shall find a stubborn foe.

The time hath been, when no harsh sound would fall

From lips that now may seem imbued with gall,

Nor fools nor follies tempt me to despise

Tlie meanest thing that crawled beneath my eyes ;

83 ENGLISH BABM,

But noW) BO callous growB, so cbaaged since youth,
I've learned to thinks and sternly speak the truth ;
Learned to deride the critic^s starch decree.
And break him on the wheel he meant for me ; 1040
To spurn the rod a scribbler bids me kiss,
Nor care if courts and crowds applaud or kiss :
Nay more, though all my rival rhymesters frown,
I too can hunt a Poetaster down ;
And, armed in proof, the gauntlet cast at once
To Scotch marauder, and to Southern dunce.
Thus much Fve dared to do ; how far my lay
Hatk wronged these righteous times let others say;
This, let the world, which knows not how to spare,
Yet rarely blames unjustly, now declare. 1C30

AND «COTCH lt>ttB«rEB8. 83

POSTSCEBPT.

I liave been infonwd, fiince the ^esent edition wettt td Vfce Pr«»,
tlwt my tmty and well beloved coorins, tile Edinbnrgli Reriewen, are
preparing a most vehement cdd^ue on my poor, gentle, flfiire<i*«£(fii^
Knse, whom they ba?e already so bedeviled with their mgodly Ti«
baldry :

** Tantaene animis caelestibus IraeT'

I suppose I must say of Jepfbet as Sir Andrew Ague-cheek saith^
'' an I had known he was so cunning of fence, I had seen him damned
** ere I had fought him." What a pity it is that I shall be beyond the
Bosphorus, before the next number has passed the Tweed. But I yet
hope to light my pipe with it in Persia.

My Northern friends have accused me, with justice, of personality to*
wards their great literary Anthropophagus, Jeffrey $ but what else
was to be done with him and his dirty pack, who feed '* by lying and
slandering," and slake their thirst by '^evii speaking?" I have ad*
diiced facts already well known, and of Jeffret's mind I have stated
my free opinion, nor has he thence sustained any iiy ory^-^what scaven*
ger was ever soiled by being pelted with mud ? It may be said that I

a 2

84 ENGLISH BARD8,

quit England because I have censured there *^ persons of honour and
wit about town,*' but I am coming back again, and their vengeance
will keep hot till my return. Those who know me can testify that my
motives for leaving England are very different from fears, literary or
personal; those who do not, may one day be convinced. Since
the publication of this thing, my name has not been concealed; I
liave been mostly in London, ready to answer for my transgressions,
and in daily expectation of sundry cartels ; but, alas ! ** the age of
chivalry is over," or, in the vulgar tongue, there is no spirit now^a-
days.

There is a youth ycleped Hewson Clarke (Subandi, Esquire,) a Sizer
of Emanuel College, and I believe a Denizen of Berwick upon Tweed,
whom I have introduced in these pages to much better company than he
has been accustomed to meet : he is, notwithstanding, a very sad dog,
and for no reason that I can discover, except a personal quarrel with a
bear, kept by me at Cambridge to sit for a fiellowship, and whom the
jealousy of his Trinity cotemporaries prevented from success, has been
abusing me, and what is worse, the defenceless innocent above men*
tioned, in the Satirist for one year and some months. I am utterly
unconscious of having given him any provocation ; indeed I am guiltless
of having heard his name, till it was coupled with the Satirist. He has
therefore no reason to complain, and I dare say that, like Sir Fretful
Plagiary, he is rskthcr pleased than otherwise. I have now mentioned all
who have done me the honour to notice me and mine, that is, my B^ar

AND SCOTCH RBYIEWEBS. 85

and my Book, except the Editor of the Satirist, who, it seems, is a gen-
tleman, God wot ! I wish he coold impart a little of his gentility to his
subordinate scribblers. I hear that Mr. Jerninoham is about to talce
up the cudgels for his Maecenas, Lord Carlisle ; I hope not : he was one
of the few, who, in the very short intercourse I had with him, treated
me with Icindness when a boy, and whatever he may say or do, "pour
on, I will endure.'* I have nothing farther to add, save a general note
of ttianksgiving to readers, purchasers, and publisher, and in the words
of Scott, I wish

" To all and each a fair good night,
'* And rosy dreams and slumbers light."

' :»,

FINIS.

SRnrRD BT DBAItt ft CO. HABT-8TIUBBT, OOVENT OABOIN.

In the Press,
And speedily will be published^

HENRY COUNT DE KOLINSKI, a Polisli Tale.

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